FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
