Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
thus making me awesome and them whores
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
