On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
