She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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