I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hippo gnu deer
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
