that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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