And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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