I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
