I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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