What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
