They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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