Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
