dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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