We need to rekindle our bromance
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
