Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
