come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
