I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Houston, we have a blender
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
