How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
