you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
