we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can I color on your dick again?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's blow job season.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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