We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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