Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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