you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
