yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
