i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
