Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
