I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
