Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
