I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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