That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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