Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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