oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
