if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
