there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
