Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
