your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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