How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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