i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
