weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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