i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
