There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
