So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
