I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
