I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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