Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
