how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
