One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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