just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
