Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
