I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
