YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
how drunk are you?
Several
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
