She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
